What To Talk About Depending On How Long You’ve Been Together

Sometimes you need a little help starting a convo.

August 1, 2018



Is any topic of conversation off limits when you've just started dating someone?

You bet your bum it is, writes Post Grad Problems, which just published a handy primer for what to talk about based on how long you've been together:

  • First date: Topics can include a rough overview of each other’s life history, future plans, family, friends, fun stories, and jokes. Keep it light, and keep it fun. You should show some depth and opinions, but don’t talk about anything that will bum anyone out.
  • First three months: This is when you really find out who the other person is, and this is the time to talk about everything under the sun. Politics, religion, personal philosophy, wants, needs, fears, desires, what you like in bed, what you don’t like in bed, etc. Nothing is off limits. If you don’t show your true self during this stage, what’s the point of going on dates?
  • 3-12 months: Honeymoon period! This is when you find out how serious this relationship is. You’ll tell each other you love each other for the first time, and then spend the rest of this time constantly telling each other how much you love each other. Sure, everyone else hates you for it, but who cares. You’re in love. When you go on dates, you ask about each other’s day, and then you actually listen to the response. You tell stories they’ve never heard and secrets you’ve never told anyone else.
  • 1-4 years: You know most everything there is to know about each other, and now you need to decide if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I’m not saying you need to get married within four years of dating, but at this point, you should know for sure if you don’t want to marry this person. Date talk will consist of future plans, how you want to raise your kids, what your financial goals are, where you’d like to settle down, and all other extremely important things you should have talked about in the first three months. A lot of your conversation will revolve around the future, both because you’re planning one together, and because you already know everything about each other’s past.
  • 5-10 years: If the first year is learning each other’s past, and the next three are about your future, this is the phase where you talk about the present. Y’all are either married, planning on it, or don’t believe in marriage but are planning on staying together for good. You know each other inside and out (pun intended), and now you mainly talk about what’s going on in your day-to-day lives. 
  • 10-25 years: Your official dates are few and far between. Between kids, work, and home ownership, you’re lucky if you get one date night a month. And guess what you talk about on that date? That’s right: your kids, work and home.
  • 25-40 years: You have to relearn who your significant other is. The kids are out of the house, you’re (hopefully) coming up on retirement, and your bank accounts are starting to recover from the damage your children did to it. You have the time and money to go on real dates again, but now you have to remember what to talk about. Time to go back to the basics.
  • 40+ years: There’s nothing left to talk about. You’ve known each other for over four decades. Over 14,000 days of your lives spent together. What could there possibly still be to talk about? Now is the time to relax, enjoy retirement and occasionally tell a long, rambling story that the other person has heard well over a thousand times. Maybe bring up the weather every few days. Talking is overrated anyway.