Annoyed Prego


Things To Never Say To A Pregnant Woman

These still apply the second time around.

June 27, 2018

When I was pregnant with Lu, I subscribed to a newsletter from Pregnant Chicken and I'm so glad I did!  There are so many great things that come with it: articles, tips, recommendations ... a sense of normalcy :). 

One article that made me LOL, was the article on what you shouldn't and should say to a pregnant woman.  Here are some highlights (click HERE for the full list):

  •  “You look so big/small.”

Remember when you were a teenager and you didn’t want to be unique in any way? Well pregnancy is the same and nobody wants to be told they look huge or teeny because it just scares them. Anything different from other pregnant women = weird = giant freak baby or creepy peanut baby.

  • “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”

If that woman’s pregnancy seems long to you I can almost guarantee that it feels like about 30 years to her. Pregnant women who are asked this question should be legally exempt from murder convictions.

  • “Sleep now because you won’t get any when the baby gets here.”

What the hell does this mean anyway? It’s not like you can bank sleep. It’s like saying “Don’t eat this year because an all-you-can-eat-buffet is opening up next March”. Plus, who says that the woman you’re saying this to is sleeping now? She may be a congested ball of heartburn, hemorrhoids, and back pain so this kind of thing just adds insult to injury.

  •  “Were you hoping for a girl/boy instead?”

It’s not really anyone’s business and if she ain’t sharin’, don’t ask. If you’re asked this you should answer that you were actually hoping for a puppy that could fart rainbows then just walk away.

Finally, there are three things you always say to pregnant women:

1. “You look fantastic”

Even if she is a sweaty, wheezing Jabba the Hut with swollen ankles and a maternity top that no longer covers her belly, tell her she looks fantastic. She is making a person and that’s pretty fantastic.

2. “That’s wonderful”

If she tells you she’s going to give birth squatting in a Mr. Turtle pool surrounded by chanting Tibetan squirrels, you say “that sounds wonderful”. Every pregnant woman makes about 200 declarations of what she is and isn’t going to do and about 4 stick. Don’t ruin her moments.

3. “It’s going to be alright”

When she starts crying because the pizza shows up wrong or she panics because she used regular detergent to wash the baby’s onsies so she’ll be a horrible mother or simply because she threw a reciprocating saw at your head because “you’re too much of a moron to understand what she’s going through”. This is when it’s a good idea to pull out “it’s going to be alright”. A side car of “you look fantastic” couldn’t hurt either.

The sleep one was one I got all the time with Lu and I sorta understood, but not really.  If I fully understood, I would have had some choice words to say to those losers ... I mean friends.  One that I'm getting now is - get ready, you're giong to be REALLY busy now.